The island of Pha-ngan.
Lightbeams illuminating a reptilian spine archipelago on the horizon; in the foreground a perfect cocaine crescent, widening with the receding tide. Coconut palms framing a gently swaying hammock view of an aquamarine bay vibrant with fire corals. The beach from which Leo DiCaprio swam to The Beach.
How perfect it would be with a woman (I thought) taking care of my needs I otherwise fail to satisfy with wrong things. Kinky loving in the heat, living naked; doing just what we like.
I intuit it’s not the typical tourist’s experience which will spring me, but Time. Time to steep like tofu in an intricate broth, to absorb each nuance of my confounding psychology. To reveal myself, says my innergod, I need Calm. Chaff shall float to the surface of Still, given Time.
It’ll be fun to go exploring and see what all is available to do here on this flabbergastingly paradisiac island. Perfect weather, best food in the world, what?
Oiled skin sizzling, eyes closed. Suddenly a cloud interposes itself, blocking my object of worship, and my sweat is chilled by a breeze. Eyes open.
Thick iron battleships spill solidly, inexorably, down fertile mountainslopes. The edge of a weather front looms. Envelops the hills. Is resisted – briefly – by an offshore breeze. An ephemeral stalemate. An equilibrium cleaves the sky.
Past my left toenails turquoise, beyond my right flip flop storm clouds blacking out everything. Dragging precipitation tendrils. Harbingered by sprinkle-drop mist, quick comes the lashing downpour in the tropics. Five more minutes, I think, and close my eyes.
As if someone cranked up the dimmer switch the energy increases, and I soak it up greedily. Content not to think, just to enjoy. Somewhat tempted to crack a lid but not wanting to too, knowing the storm will come in time, maybe in the next instant, it’s out of my control – anyway this present is so nice I’d rather not obfuscate my love for it with considerations about the oncoming weather. Better just to lay here with the sun on my smile for however long… each stolen ray uber-relished.
Gloom-doom should’ve been here by now, will arrive, immediately, but – not yet! Just a few moments more. I know it’s not going away, that gathering great heavy mass isn’t going to be dissuaded by that tranquil little puff for long, it’s definitely coming, but still – it’s wonderful to soak up the sun for Now. The rain can come, it’s okay; I accept it. All of this is a bonus, this radiation energizing me like I’ve lizard skin, and I’ve no desire to figure it out, that would actually probably ruin it, really, knowing the answer to that question, wouldn’t it? So long as it’s limited it’s supremely wonderful Now. I feel exquisitely relaxed and at peace. Nothing can rattle my Calm. I am a bubble boy, in a perfect protected atmosphere, timeless, of no-time, approaching infinit—