School’s Out in D.C.: Grades In

Well it’s been a big gay week of seminal decisions; judges and senators finishing up before summer breaking in the Hamptons.  School’s out.  Did the Court and the Senate pass their final exams?

Start with the downfall of DOMA.  Most lawyers (including Obama) knew that piece of shit was doomed legislation the first time they read it.  It just took a long time to get bumped up, and when it finally whiffed that rarified air their Honors took way too long to decide in far too close a vote: Federal Benefits (such as immigration) apply to legally married same sex couples living in one of the 13 gay marriage states or D.C. now.  Here that ladies boys and ladyboys?  No gay marriage in your state, move to D.C.!  Tranny out on the Capitol lawn.

U.S. Citizens get to make their spouses citizens (I know; my wife’s Colombian), even mail-order brides; it’s one of our best federal rights; one of the greatest gifts we can bestow upon beloved spouse on our gayest of wedding days: papers to show USCIS.

But they went short of calling marriage a nationwide fundamental right or anything like that; straight up punted on prop 8, about which I’d be pissed if it didn’t mean the appellate court’s overtuning of a gay marriage ban will stand.  That is, marriage equality will resume in California, whoo hoo.

Supreme Court of the United States: A-

(NOTE: It bodes well for Washington and Colorado that in both of these cases their Honors deferred to the States in nearly all things.)

United States Senate: C-, and here’s why:

First of all, they didn’t pass anything that has a prayer of getting through the House.  Yes, they’re offering a path to citizenship for long-term illegals, whom everybody hires under the table with a wink, whose owners pocket the automatic pay deduction, who don’t pay taxes, implying: the current system is clearly B.S.

But talk about a schizophrenic bill: so this is what ‘bilateral legislation’ looks like?

Get em signed up; I need someone to foot my social security and medicare bills.

But keep em out, say the senators through their other mouths.

Beef up border security; build the Berlin wall like we’re mortal enemies.  The China wall, like they’re some kind of Mongol horde.  The great wall of drones.

For those already here, the proposed “path to citizenship” is a theoretical win, but the border is still not so very far away -the road is long and it requires you to behave and obey. To their family members, though, whom everyone really wishes could join, it’s just: we’re full: we’ve decided 15% salsa is as high as we’re willing to go.  We also don’t want any more black people from Africa, which a lot of you people are, you know.  Light-skinned Latinos with money, though; ahem, there are other types of, ahem partnerships available.

I’m not saying the rich old white boys’ club isn’t slowly changing, it’s just that its members want their privileged kids to have easy schmooze lives too.  Can’t let the voting demographic get too out of whack.

Though really, the fault lies with their constituency.

Voters have always fallen for fear tactics, but we have less excuse now than ever to swallow the GOP’s xenophobic rhetoric, what with the unlimited information at our fingertips. The problem is we’ve all got attention deficit. We require to be entertained all the time, to be convinced in 140 characters or less.

Who has time for critical analysis of multifaceted issues when there’s so much great stuff on Nexflix?

Good job bowing to the inevitable in the first part, I guess; shame on you for blatant gerrymandering in the second.


This was such a missed opportunity to get something real done, what with Obama the Just in the White House.


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